The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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