so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
