i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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