So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
