Already got asked if we're dating
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
