Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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