4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
People in love make me want to vomit
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
