I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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