I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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