I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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