I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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