I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
