I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
