He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
