i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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