the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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