I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
