alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize