ugly people sure do ruin things
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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