Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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