i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
