i permit you to call me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
