yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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