we have officially lost it.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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