how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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