1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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