Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
