I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
