Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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