belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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