Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
