hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think my tv is drunk
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
