waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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