for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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