and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
