Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
