Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So many bounce houses so little time
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
