Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
