I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
