I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
