420 ftw
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
