last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
