Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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