Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You left your underwear on the fireplace
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
