remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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