i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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