u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
