a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
