i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
