hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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