Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
