I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize