im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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