FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
