alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
