it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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