Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
