Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
