Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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