Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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