Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
