I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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