if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
third nipple confirmed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
