Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
