I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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