Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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