so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
