I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I will be naked everywhere
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
