The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
