Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She's the barista slut.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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