dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have fence marks all over my body
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
