FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
